Frequently Asked Questions

Listed below are a few of the many questions that individuals should consider before saying “I do”. To Have And To Hold…Or Not? contains numerous other questions that should also be addressed and some even researched before making a decision of this magnitude.

Since some people are great at “telling you what you want to hear”, I advise you to observe the behavior patterns of your prospective spouse for a period of time, to determine whether the behavior is consistent with the answers you are receiving. In time, everyone’s true character will be revealed. Ask questions, listen and watch.

Proverbs says “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks”. If you ask God to unveil the truth to you about your potential spouse; He will do it. Chapter IV has more information for you regarding this topic.

  1. Does he/she have a history of drug and/or alcohol abuse? If so, how long has he/she been clean? Is there a professional who can confirm the length of time he/she has been free?
  2. What is his/her medical condition and what is his/her family’s medical history as it relates to mental and/or physical diseases, illnesses or handicaps? Is he/she willing to disclose the results of a full medical exam to you?
  3. Is he/she kind or abusive? If there is an element of abuse in the relationship, is he/she willing to seek professional counsel right now?
  4. What are his/her thoughts on fidelity in marriage? Has he/she been one to sleep around? If so, has he/she stopped and if so, for how long? What is his/her conviction concerning fidelity?
  5. Describe to yourself what qualities you are looking for in a mate so you can recognize him/her when he/she shows up.
  6. Why should I get married when so many people just live together? The chapters on The Powerful Essence of Love and The Marriage Covenant will give you great information in these areas.
  7. How can we minimize the chance of a divorce once we are married? The chapter on the Marriage Covenant will answer this question for you.
  8. He/she says he/she loves me but I am unsure of what his/her definition of love looks like. What is real love? How will I recognize genuine love? Is it the “goose bumps” I feel when I am with him/her? The chapter on the Powerful Essence of Love will explore these issues.
  9. What can we do to keep the “fire” in our marriage? Be creative and remember to keep your priorities straight. Honor God first, your spouse second, children third, and everything else comes behind this. You will always make time for the things you treasure.

Pastor Deborah is an anointed teacher and preacher of the Gospel. With the same anointing, she has written a Scriptural guide on building and maintaining relationships. “To Have And To Hold…Or Not?” is poignantly written with the sound interpretation of scripture. The information that is provided on interpersonal relationships will enlighten the reader’s understanding of godly principles. It depicts well, how individuals should govern themselves and develop wholesomeness in their treatment of others. This book will help build Christ Centered relationships. It will also lead the pathway to healing broken and damaged relationships, through the application of God’s Word.

Rev. Cecelia Williams-Young, M.Div
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Deborah McFarland has produced an impressive, well written, insightful Bible-based teaching on the marriage covenant which is sure to strengthen married couples and those who are contemplating marriage. “To Have And To Hold… Or Not?” is definitely worth reading!

Pastors Richard and Clara Ruffin
Ministry of the Open Door
Hartford, Connecticut

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