Finding Your Soul Mate

A good soul mate is like an expensive diamond; multi-faceted, transparent and solid like a rock. Its beauty is a result of the intense heat that it has been subjected to for prolonged periods of time. Everyone wants a dynamic soul mate but we are not always sure about who we should choose for a life partner. Is the person you are considering someone you could grow old with? Would he/she make a great parent? Are you even friends? Do you enjoy each other’s company? Does he/she make you laugh? Have you known each other long enough to measure compatibility? What is his/her vision? How much tenacity does he/she exhibit? What are his/her beliefs? I have compiled a comprehensive list of questions in my book To Have And To Hold…Or Not?
The following questions represent a small sample of the questions that are compiled in the book. I advise you to ponder these questions in your own heart first. Once you have settled these answers in your own heart, then ask your potential spouse the same questions before making a decision to marry. This will help you determine compatibility and can also provide the impetus for some exciting conversations. Always remember that no matter what people say, “Time” has a way of revealing the truth about people and situations. Don’t just listen to the answer you want to hear. Watch and observe his/her behavior over time and you will make a more informed decision. Above all, “In all of your ways, acknowledge God and He will direct your path.”

1. How well do you know yourself? It is impossible for you to check your compatibility index with a potential spouse if you don’t really understand your own desires, vision, future dreams. When you are in his/her presence, do you put on “airs” or are you able to be yourself? Who are you behind closed doors? How do you see yourself 5, 10, 20, 30 years from now? Where do you want to live? Do you want to travel? Do you want to have children? If so, how many and how soon? Who will raise the children and how well will they be provided for? What level of income will you be happy with? What will it take to educate your children properly? Will the wife be expected to stay at home? Is she ok with that?

2. Do you know your specific purpose in life and are you walking in it? If not, are you pursuing the education and/or training that is necessary for you to operate in excellence in that capacity? I am sure that you have heard the saying “Birds of a feather flock together.” If you are in consistent pursuit of your goals, you have every right to look for a soul mate who is also actively pursuing his/her goals. What did God create you to do? Perfecting and utilizing your gift is the key to a successful lifestyle. Is your purpose compatible to the purpose of your soul mate? Have you thought about the demands on your time, your mate’s time in light of the profession he/she has chosen? Are you willing to make that type of sacrifice?

3. What is your philosophy? It is so important to understand first what you believe and then what your potential soul mate believes. Everyone has a framework or moral compass from which they make decisions. Your philosophy will ultimately impact your actions and consequently affect your lifestyle. What is your philosophy regarding a vibrant relationship with God, marriage, parenting, character development, fidelity in marriage etc.? Is your philosophy strong enough to keep you from experiencing mental/nervous breakdowns when you go through difficult seasons in life? What is your definition of love? Who will you model your marriage after? I encourage you to model your marriage according to the pattern that was set up by the inventor of marriage, God himself. This pattern may be examined in the Bible and throughout the pages of my book.

It is wise to take the time to understand yourself and your future mate before you say “I do”. The right life partner has the ability to create the synergy for a dynamic and exciting life! Do yourself a huge favor ask the right questions so that you can choose the right mate.

By Deborah McFarland, Author

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